Sunday

Yesterday was a bit of a debacle. I had been looking forward all week to having a friend come over iwth one of his dogs, I'm stressed about Danny being so down, and I thought a playdate would be great for him. I did some extra cleaning and cooking and kept myself busy until the friend arrived, around 4 - but without a dog. Something had transpired and he wasn't able to bring one - these are not technically his own dogs, but belong to the couple with whom he lodges. Part of his job in that household is care of the dogs and he has frequently brought a dog here for walks or visits in past. Yesterday one of the owners said no. It was hurtful, since Danny so badly needed a visit.he is just a grieving little dog who really just wanted to have a friend visit.

My visitor and I made the best of it by fussing over Dan and playing with him, eating the marinated chicken and vegetables I'd made, and putting back some very cold Sleeman's. we retired to the livingroom for a movie and - damn Quebec Hydro! the power went out. So a disappointing day, but at least I got a lot of stuff done early on. We'll figure out something for Dan, his depression is palpable and I am worried.

This event brings me to something I think about a lot, and find myself struggling with; when people behave badly, as several are doing toward me right now, what's the correct and proper spiritual response? Of course, it's the higher way to try to understand and forgive. But it's the *human* way to process one's own feelings of anger first and foremost. I am thinking of Paul's commentary here:

“Oh, the good that I want to do, I don’t do. And the evil that I don’t want to do, is what I go on doing. Wretched man that I am, who will deliver me from this doomed body? I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. . . .
“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.”3

So although I am not a Christian per se, I see the universality in these words - I *want* to be forgiving to those who wrong me - how have treated me badly or fail to offer the most basic human decency, such as calling and checking on me when I'm bereaved - I want to forgive and understand but I am not a saint. I am also angry, hurt and bewildered as to why other humans behave like this. In my own spiritual quest, learning to forgive and understand is a key practise, and I draw on both Christian and Buddhist teaching to support this goal.

I also love this wellknown commentary from Native American teachings:

An Elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me. It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, pride, and superiority. The other wolf stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside of you and every other person too."

The children thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win the battle?" And the old Cherokee replied simply "Whichever one I feed".

At times I feel I am more or less in balance, I know I feed the tendency toward anger by thinking about injustice and by talking with close friends about mystifying, nasty human behaviour. I also feed my Higher self a LOT, through prayer, meditation, lectio divina (and I mean daily on all three)and all processes of self understanding that I believe lead ultimately to the understanding for others. I sometimes feel I am expecting myself to be a saint or boddhisattva, never being angered or upset, but then I think, why NOT strive for the best I can be as a human?

How can we bring the same level of care, compassion and understanding to other humans as we do with our dogs? Isn't it because the dogs are so unassuming, honest, sweet and so forgiving that they bring the best out in us? Isn't their behaviour something we can learn from and model ourselves on? I will close this rumination today with the oft quoted line that rings so true for many of us: "I'm just trying to be the person my dogs think I am".

Yes, I'd hope to be half that good oneday.

Menwhile, I need to find danny a playdate!