Reflections on seeing that face

In this tidal wave of events that the past two years has been, sometimes I lose you in the swirling of the maelstrom.
Sometimes, Bo's illness and absence are fresher, my father's - well, everything about dad - bears down on me and other times, I see John's picture with his wife or daughter and I cannot believe I will never see him again. Sometimes you, Great Spirit, get lost in the shuffle.

And then I see your face, those dear brown eyes, and it all comes flooding back-
Oh Luke, at times I am so crushed with missing you and feeling that I let you down, it's a terrible feeling, and not how I want to remember you.





So on days like today, when I come to this blog and the first thing I see is your dear sweet face, turned to look at me with the tenderness and that..searching look, the one that always seemed to say "I love you, you strange woman you"...I can say to once again, as I have for so many years, in so many situation - Thank you, Braveheart. For everything you did for me and all you helped me through, I believe your sacrifice at the end came from somewhere above, somewhere that ultimately was looking out for me and my future, for the larger picture. And oh, but She moves in mysterious ways! I just wanted to tell you, as I always promised you in our too-short time together - I am fine, I am well, it is all getting better.
Luke -you brought me so much joy....and ultimately, so much wisdom.


Till the next time,
love, Mom

Wildewit's African Jabulani, Aug 12 1998, Sept1, 2006

It's always so difficult, so heartrending, so agonizing for me to tlak about Luke these days. I odn't feel badly about that; after all, since he died I have endured one death after another, cuminating in Lila last May, which I have nowhere near dealt with. I thikn the mind just shuts down in the face of all this sorrow. but luke is specail, he's a loss that changed my life. It was tragic, unspeakably cruel, probably karmic, and I had many foreshadowings of it, if one believes in suhc things. I leanred more from that boy than I could start to put inot words here. His death was totally unexpected and came at a time in my lfie where - for possibly the vyer first time - I was becoming independent, I had worked tirelessly to attain good helath, to feel comfortable with myself, to

I Will Wait Forever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xphC0M8h2I&feature=related

You would have been ten today, my sweetheart

...and my heart breaks for you as much as when you first left.
I miss you, Sir Luke. my Babe, the Beef -you were the man, you were the mountain.
Our time together was so precious,and over so fast.I will always, always love and cherish you, no matter what. My memories of you, like your great heart, remain steady and strong.

If I Loved You Anymore...

I'd probably explode.
Happy Birthday, Heart of my Heart.